🔗 Share this article These Advice shared by My Father That Saved Me as a First-Time Parent "I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months." Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father. But the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured. Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo. "I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared. After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back. His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to talk among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave." "It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - taking a few days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn. When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices. The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem." Advice for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games. Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling. Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely. Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."
"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months." Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father. But the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured. Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo. "I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared. After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back. His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to talk among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave." "It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household. Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - taking a few days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn. When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older. Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices. The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem." Advice for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games. Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping. Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling. Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones. When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time. Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely. Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen. "I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."