🔗 Share this article Navigating the Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.